I began writing this post in October 2025

It’s been over two weeks since I mostly gave up social media and news, and the ongoing shift has been bigger than I expect. In this post I’ll explore how I think things might be changing. With no neuroscience background, this is simply my personal experience.

My attention was never mine.

Every corner of my brain had become host to my smart phone.

My phone owned me, I didn’t own it

Yes, I paid out of pocket for my iPhone. So technically I own it, however just like any addiction it was in control.

Without consciously meaning to, I was picking my phone up hundreds of times a day. The habit of checking for notifications and incessant need to be up to date had fried my ability to focus for any meaningful amount of time.

Even sitting through an episode of a show, or driving to the supermarket, it was a struggle not to check my phone. In hindsight this seems extreme, but it was the reality I had been living and am continuing to push back against.

My thoughts weren’t free

When you have such a quick, easy escape with a deliciously strong hit of dopamine, it’s almost guaranteed you’ll use it. When there were uncomfortable or quiet moments my phone was the first thing I would reach for.

It’s no surprise that I had been feeling lost for some years; I had not given myself time or permission to sit with my feelings and listen to what my body & mind had been trying to tell me. Rather, I had been escaping to my screen to avoid feeling these uncomfortable feelings, which ultimately made me feel worse.

Some simple moments I wasn’t allowing myself to be present to think and feel

• Waiting in the queue to pay for my groceries
• Waiting for the cashier to get my change. (I wish this wasn’t true but it is)
• Cuddling my kids to sleep
• Waiting for replies in discussion with coworkers
• Waiting for my kids to finish their breakfast

Writing these simple examples out feels embarrassing, but I also know that I am not alone in how I was behaving. After all, our brains are wired to seek dopamine so it goes without saying that we’ll be pulled to our phones in these moments.

So, what next?

I’m finishing this article in January 2026. Since starting my addiction-breaking escapade, I have made leaps and bounds in understanding myself as a person and thinking forwards to what I need to change to chase more joy and gratitude in my life.

I’m building out some goals for 2026 that will come in, hopefully, my next post.